I've decided.
I'm extremely sick of being mediocre, this isn't who I am.

I'm not sure what has been up with me, but I don't like it. I seriously don't like it.
But for some reason, I've been choosing to reside it in. It makes me sick.

The things I read, his blogs from 9 months ago. We were such different people. Such depth, and insight, and wisdom, and true strength. We deeply cared about each other, but didn't know enough about each other to be careless. We talked late into the nights, just wanting to learn one more thing. So in love. I do remember now, it's all coming back. Our love has grown, but in a way, weakened. We've forgotten how we used to be. The strength that we gave each other, the motivation and passion we shared for people. We just wanted to love people. I'd forgotten about my committment to love him unconditionally. I've been selfish in so many ways. Just wanting him to help me solve my own problems, never looking outward to people who don't even have a God to rely on. Lord, forgive me for my APATHY! Jesus, how did that happen so easily? We were in love, because we were in love with you. You created the love between us, and so we struggled when your love wasn't as prevalent. I need that back Lord. I'm deciding. I promise. I will love him. And I don't care how much I hurt, or what problems I have, I will not treat him with anything but love. He is my partner, and I care about him more than I ever imagined possible. Lord, i'm weak, and I feel so much love. How much greater will it be when I've spent time in your presence, basked in your glory, and praised you for the things you've done for me.

He's my love. I don't know why I haven't seen this all along. Thank you for using us nine months ago to open my eyes to us now. You work so incredibly.

Help me not be shallow anymore. It sickens me.

I need you.
I need you.
I need you.



"And I love how I am when I'm around you. I'm ... me. Not me, who I am; me who I was created to be." - Me; July 9th, 2008