Speak to me. Let my mind be yours. Be so real to me, that I can't ignore you. Already, you've begun to show yourself so much more clearly. God, I want everything, everything I am to be yours. That is my heart cry; it's so deeply embedded in me, that I ache when I'm not in your perfect will. You've given me these gifts. Of discernment. Of mothering. And of life. You've anointed me with the oil of Joy, and given me life that just flows; a never-ending supply. Help me know what to do with them. Open my mind to the things unseen, the things of your world; your plans for me.
I'm venturing off, Jesus. I'm going into a world that's out to get me, a world seeping with evil mysteries, and seductive shadows of sin. The picture in my mind is of pure innocence. Perfect goodness walking blindly into suffocating darkness. But I know that's not what it's like. You've given me a light, which is much stronger than the darkness, and it shines so brightly, the darkness is afraid. It flees from such strong light. But It's my job to keep that light bright. If I start to fail in places; In my places of weakness. It's there that the sin get's its foothold. The places I don't recognize that I'm failing until sin has gripped me.
Hence your gift of Love. You've given eyes of the friends that love me. They watch for the places I'm failing, and make them known to me, so that I can strengthen myself to defend, not only myself. I am a mother, an encourager and confident. There is a strength, that I've begun to notice in myself. I never expected it to come, of all things! But it is. I'm learning to be strong. I'm learning to be confident, and loving. Always loving. It's my job.
And yet;
"What would happen if you didn't do your job? What if you stopped being strong for other people?"
"I would be needy."
"What's wrong with being needy?"
...
Show me things Jesus. Make myself known to me.
I am needy. Why do I have such a problem with being needy?
Because it makes other people have to go out of they're way for you.
what's wrong with that? they have better things to do!
than help someone they love?

they have better things to do
Why do I have such a problem with being needy!
Worth. It's all about worth, isn't it?


And worship. What's with that, God?
"because, I'm going to make you wonderful"
how do I get past the tears? Why are there tears in the first place?!
"Because. I am going to make you wonderful"

Oh crap. I have a long way to go.
"Not so much as you think"



'this is the first day of the rest of my life'








[h]My eyes tell everything