The thought

Discernment. Not as pleasant as I'd imagined it.
It's painful. Ha. that's a horrible understatement.

The thought of her not having You! It tears my soul to shreds! There's so much hurt. So many questions! If only I could do it for her! I have an outside perspective. I can be strong! Oh God; her not having you, is like me not having lungs!

I've emptied my soul for her; I've poured everything I had into asking for aid. All of my energy.
But it was because I've felt it. The immense, terrible, terrible pain she's living in. How could I feel it and not expend every ounce of myself to help her. The pain in itself is practicly unbearable, but then. Then, to have lost the joy in the process of bearing the pain. That. That is what really breaks my heart.

It's not her fault. She's doing the best she can. She can only be so much in a time like this. Satan is an unmercifull brat who rubs dirt on open wounds. Oh, what I wouldn't give to fight him. But I suppose I am. With everything I have. He'll be sorry he messed with them at all. Jerk.


Alisa. I love you.
You have no idea.