Oh Lord; whatever shall I do?

Alright God. I know you have a plan.
Please, please, please make these things turn to good.
The fights, the cursing, the abuse, the hate.
The lack of anything. The pressure where there need not be any.
The lack of guidance, and abundance of distrust.
The lack of confidence and assurance. A simple, sincere, "Good job, I'm proud of you." Of course we didn't have a very good beginning. None of us did. Our foundations are crumbled; no wonder any attempt to build falls in pieces. I'm embarrassed of it. Exceedingly. But it wasn't my doing. I can't help it; much. And then comes the guilt. But, honestly, I wouldn't know what to do! Is it good guilt or bad? I can't tell. "Jesus, give me words. Soften their hearts." I've said it a thousand times. Oh, but I still don't know. I want to drive away, and leave my worries behind me. But that would also mean driving away from everything I love. Which I could never do.
I think I'm beginnging to see this illusive strength that people say they see. Of course it's only a shadow of strength. I trust myself to handle things the right way. Which means using His strength, which is what people see. Oh, if I were to throw a different person into my life.. But I could never do that. It might destroy them. For I've learned how to cope. Besides the continuous supply of necessities and such, my life is basically parentless. They are my roommates, in a sense. Room mates that take care of everything. But not parents, no. She's a friend, a child. Someone for me to play with. He's a distant hand of disipline. Like that old phrase, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." Well, he keeps feeding me, I don't know why. He doesn't even see the good part of me. What he sees in me is responsiblity. He has an obligation to take care of me, or God will smite him. Ha. an obligation.

Oh bother.
I am strong.
I need not lay this burden on others.