weakness

These are my thoughts, observations, and things I'm learning from this whole situation.

First, and foremost, since it's all that's been running through my head. I'm learning to be needy. That is a hard, hard thing for me. I love to please other people, occasionally I like to (have liked to) make other people feel guilty for not helping me, but of course, I don't want them to anyway. But I'm learning that I need to let people help me through stuff, I need to be vulnerable and not hide my thoughts and feelings. Letting my feelings show is harder than I ever thought it would be. I'm learning to be weak.
Also, in this process of becoming needy, Jesus is answering my prayers for my relationship with my love. I fasted for something that I need very badly in a relationship, a deep emotional vulnerability and connection/understanding. I'm learning I can trust him, with things close to my heart. And our relationship has grown so much just in the last two days. Jesus is good.
He's also reiterating to me how important it is for me to rest. Rest rest Rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest rest. Urghlshlgsdlghdl. I don't have time to rest. And yet, if I don't, I'll be useless. So he has to show me to make me understand. Because I'm a stubborn human being, along with the rest.
He also says that this could bring healing for my family if I'm willing to put down my guard for once. Which at this point, quite frankly, I'm not. But I'm open to the possibility.
I need help.

But I'm so thankful that I still have my mom. that I have a wonderful, wonderful guy to support me. that I have so much influence in order to share my story.


I love you Jesus.