An unwanted thought crossed my mind.
What is to come in the days ahead?
Will the good days overcome the bad?
They didn't last time. I'm scared.
to wait. and to go forward.
what if? what if?
I've been making stuff up.
Driven by desires all my own.
He doesn't want this! Or does he?
Oh, to be able to hear His thoughts!
But mine obscure any hope of that.
I must! must untangle this web of playful fantasises.
What is it about affection? What drives a person to do
what they do? or feel what they feel? And why do those desires so often seem to hinder any straightforward movement?
Will it ever be right? Do you suppose my time will come.
She said it will. I will have it. My soul waits in eager expectation;
devouring everything that could have the slightest possiblities.
Oh, quiet soul. patience. be still. Time is not such an obstacle.
I must fight for it. Fight for what? How many things must I fight for in this life?! I don't feel like a fighter. I don't feel strong or courageous or mighty or anything of the sort. I feel frustrated because it's not easy. I feel anxious, and overwhelmed, and childish. I feel impatient. Oh, so impatient.
But then He's coaxing me. calming me, whispering about the good things to come. He says he will fight for me. What a relief. Children are not meant for fighting. Only for believing. and Loving. Always Loving. Those I can manage. Those I can grasp in my feeble mind and hands.
Changes fly by me. Changes sweep me off my feet. Change slowly eats away at things that seem forever. and it snatches things so quickly I never saw them leave. I never saw them come. What is happening? Growing up is hard. To be a child forever. That is a day I have come to revere.
Oh, my soul. Settle down. Be still!
For I must listen carefully.
3 comments:
read your myspace messages.
His words, for Izetta:
"she is the strongest sort of fighter. for she doesn't fight by the sword. no, she fights with her love. because she is a lover, she has become the boldest and most capable fighter of them all. because she walks with a strength in her step that she has not yet recognize, she will move mountains. because of her unrecognized strength, her faith has exceeded it. i look at you with more affection than any man ever will. you are my angel. you are my child. you are my friend. you are my beautiful bride. and i love you."
you are strong. and if you feel like god is telling you to wait then i will wait. i am not in any hurry. i do enjoy holding your hand but that will have to wait as well. if you need fighting for in any way let me know. hope you have a great...tuesday.
"you don't have to burn them. you just have to brown them."
-Your friend
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