for right then

do you see? are you watching all i've become? becoming. I'm becoming. What I used to know as me is only a scrambled mess beyond what I remember. For now, I make my own decisions. I plan my own future. I think my own thoughts. And it's freedom. Pure freedom. You've delivered me from unseen bindings. Are. you are delivering me. A glorious reunion. Your breath on my face; your gentle arms folding around me. Deliverance. Freedom. Redemption.

Such a deep, Deep mystery. A secret. Yes, a secret. You are the keeper of secrets. The Secret of the universe. The Secret of bumblebees. The Secret of life. The Secret of my soul. Oh, the depths. What is there, what is to be discovered? Am I delightful? Is there a mystery and loveliness about me? a strength to unveil. a power dwelling. COME! unlock the doors that lead to places yet to be explored. I want. Long. Yes, I long. tender. compassion. grace. fullness. wonder. unimaginable love. Oh, what is to be discovered? But not by me. No, can't be me. Someone must come, one person could do it. Who will fight, who will be strong for me? You are the one. for things, yet to be discovered.

I will live: free from shame in the midst of immaturity.
I will be myself, and only myself. my immature, playful self. What is to be ashamed of? what. Lack of respect? If that is so, is it worth it? is it worth wanting the respect, if i'm critized for my childishness? I think not. But then, why can't i disregard it? You've given me the spirit of a child. Why then, is there want to be something other than that? A subtle pressure, to be mature, a lady. Respectful. I know my place; I know when to be which. And if i can be both; why the reoccuring feeling of not being worthy of respect? oh, why. *humpf*

oh, there it is.


character: gracious.compassionate.humble.mature.insightful.aware.knowledgable.servant.
powerful.committed.distinct.accepting.mysterious.selfassured.trusting.vulnerable.
strong.perserverance.guiding.listener.personal.content.deep.approvedworkman.unashamed.
able.noble.useful.holy.prepared.gentle.instructing.purpose.endurance.enduring.correcting.training.
equipped.careful.dependent.true.hospitable.selfcontrol.pure.sound.temperate.reverent.integrity.
seriousness.authority.devoted.productive.

oh, i have many things to do.